That was Asa's request the other day, so off we went to the Science Museum.
We saw Dinosaurs, we saw geckos, we saw a show at the Planetarium, we played in the Discovery Center, we checked out the gift shop. For most of it, Asa was good, if slightly whiny - which was to be expected, as naptimes have become less frequent while not being a lot less necessary.
But it wasn't until we started to leave that all hell broke loose.
We were halfway up the stairs to the parking garage when Asa realized we were actually leaving. The temper tantrum that ensued was more intense than any I've witnessed from him; I'm sure the dogs around the museum are still talking about the frequencies that they alone heard that day. We wrestled him into his car seat, and the decibels increased. I started the car, and they increased again. I backed out of the parking space, and for just about the first time, M. and I broke the cardinal rule of parenting by laughing uncontrollably. But, really, could you keep your composure upon hearing, from the backseat:
"YOU TURN THIS CAR AROUND THIS INSTANT!"
See? You laughed too, didn't you?
What is it about dinosaurs, that can inspire such adoration?
When Asa was a newborn, a couple of people asked us what our favorite part of motherhood was. I don't honestly remember what M. said - she's better at answering questions like that than I am, and probably took it in her stride. But I really had to think about it - first of all, I hadn't been a mother long enough to really examine my feelings about it; second of all, I was still sleep-deprived.
Finally, I tried to say that it was the sense of trust and confidence that Asa already had in me. It was, at the time, the fact that he knew my voice and M.'s; that just talking to him, or picking him up, could soothe him simply because we were his mother - his known sources of comfort and stability. I didn't say it this well then - see "sleep deprivation" above - but this is what I was going for.
And you know, it's still my favorite part. It's changed, certainly; now it's how Asa snuggles in when we sit together before naptime, it's how he puts his head on my shoulder when I pick him up, it's how he says "I yuv you, Mummy" or "I'm glad you're home, Mummy" or "I want YOU." And now, it's how Elias recognizes us, and is soothed by our voices and our scents and our particular ways of bouncing or thumping or rocking.
It's this, right here:
It's this, just as this is becoming rare: sleepy, snuggled boy with Mummy.
Much later than they would have liked, I'm sure, Uncle Jeremie and Uncle James came to meet Elias. They were also sweet enough to bring us "dinner", which lasted four meals, and included Uncle Jeremie's amazing glazed chicken wings.
Uncle James learned that reading to Asa is much more complicated than it used to be - many more words per book, and a lot more discussion of plot points and illustration.
Then he got to snuggle both boys, while Uncle Jeremie put the finishing touches on...
Ollie the Octopus!
Sheldon's new buddy, who will sleep with Elias. How cute is he?
But don't worry, Uncle Jeremie got plenty of cuddle time in.
Elias adores his big brother already. If Asa is in the room, Elias is looking in his direction, watching and listening to him.
Asa, for his part, loves Elias and generally remembers to be gentle and watch out for him. The other day, we were letting Mommy sleep late - Asa and Elias were in the living room, while I was getting coffee for myself and breakfast for Asa. Elias began to cry, and Asa called out, "Mummy, Elias is hungry. He needs a bottle." And then he came into the kitchen to make sure I was responding quickly.
Asa kisses his brother pretty regularly, and always before he goes to bed at night. He is very protective: if someone other than Mommy or Mummy is holding Elias, Asa admonishes, "You be gentle! Gentle with Baby Yi-as." Or, if he is particularly concerned, "You don't hold him. Mommy-Mummy hold him."
But we - Mommy and I - are definitely in the doghouse, as far as Asa is concerned. He has finally started sleeping well again, although we've backtracked a little on nighttime potty training. But naptime might well become a thing of the past, to our chagrin. There are days when the best we get is a half-hour or so of "quiet time", during which I read to Asa while he lies quietly in bed. I'm so not ready to let go of naptime...
For the most part, however, things seem to be settling back into a routine. Asa doesn't seem to think that Elias' stay is temporary, and although this might be wishful thinking, he seems to accept that we need to care for Elias as well as for him.
This picture says it all: something between a cuddle and a headlock. Probably the reality of our lives for the next sixteen years. Or more.
A good parent does what is best for the kids, right?
That's certainly what we thought, when M. was in labor with Elias at the hospital down the street from our house - the one we chose because it was inside the bubble, besides being a perfectly good hospital. That's what we thought when the neonatology team suggested that we be moved to the larger teaching hospital 15 minutes away - the one we chose not to use last time - because of the chance that our baby would need a NICU. We knew it meant moving outside the bubble, outside of the known laws, outside of the sphere in which we are respected as a family. We moved because it seemed like the best thing for the baby, who was coming a month early, from a diabetic pregnancy.
And I think we did the right thing. Don't get me wrong - given what we went through with Asa, I think we did the right thing.
But still.
Elias is six weeks old, now. Almost seven. And we don't have a birth certificate.
We don't have a birth certificate because we are married, not civil-unioned. (The political rhetoric that holds that the only difference is semantic? Yep, it's now officially B. S.) The hospital employees were told, by their legal department, not to let us fill out the birth certificate paperwork as legal co-parents because we weren't joined by the right semantics. Bless them for actually treating us like any other couple, and not hovering over our shoulders as we filled out the forms.
We don't have a birth certificate because the state didn't actually think through the ramifications of their civil-unions bill, so recently implemented. If we had been civil-unioned (civilly-unified? Don't get me started.), we would have had the right to be co-parents on the birth certificate without question. But the problem that is holding us up, according to the authorities? Federal funding for state assistance programs requires "verification of paternity". Nevermind that every state that has same-sex marriage has managed to issue birth certificates to two-mom families without losing that funding; nevermind that the District of Columbia actually pushed the envelope and asked the question, only to hear that by "verification of paternity", the government really means "verification that a child has two parents, both of whom have to qualify before we give you state assistance". Nevermind that the question that is holding up our birth certificate is a legal non-issue.
What is interesting is that the odds are very good that we'll get a birth certificate sooner or later. We have the brilliance of GLAAD's legal team working with and for us. More than that, however, we'll get a birth certificate because the state doesn't want a test of a law that isn't really workable. And that is some comfort.
I'm sure it should also be some comfort that I can even complain about this. It should be (and, at some level, it is) a comfort that we didn't have to argue with anyone over Asa's birth certificate; that our worst-case scenario is a fairly routine second-parent adoption process that is more offensive than nerve-wracking. It should be a comfort that we live in a safe place - a wider bubble than the legal one - where we can be out as a couple and a family, without experiencing bigotry on a frequent basis. It should be a comfort, how much our culture has changed, even in my adult life.
It should be a comfort, but that isn't the right word for it. Because although we are in a far better and safer place than we would have been even a decade ago, I can't say it's really a "comfortable" place. We're still in a place where we have to keep our antennae up, and where we're going to have to teach our boys how to be safe, how to have antennae of their own. We're still in a place where we have to choose between the health of our baby and the acceptance of our family as equal and valid. We're in a place that's as comfortable as a down duvet on a bed of thorns.
We've come a long way, I don't - and never will - deny that. But that only proves that we can go further, perhaps to the point where Elias will read these words one day, and be genuinely confused as to why it took so long to get his birth certificate. And then maybe he'll create the sequel to the following clip - just for historical interest.
This was Asa's. When he stopped using it, at about 9 months, we took it apart and packed it away, hoping that we'd need to use it again.
So here it is. And for the first time, we put together a baby product without instructions, and without swearing or throwing things. It even swings and plays bad music, just like it should.
Who knew that baby gear would finally make me feel like I earned the "degree" that Auntie Jen conferred upon me years ago: Engineer. Woo-hoo!
But if he's going to reflect us, I like this one. He took about a dozen of his stuffed animals, laid them gently on his bedroom floor, covered them with a throw blanket, and shooed us all from his room.
Then he went along the row, kissed them all, and asked me to turn out the lights.
Let's not quibble over whether it's really "sharing" when they're toys that Asa hasn't played with in nearly two years. Especially since their recent re-discovery has made them tremendously interesting to him. Suffice to say he's bringing things to Elias, in an attempt to make him happy. That's enough, for a two-year-old.
Yes, I'm far too far behind in my posting. I know. So please, all you lovely friends who have been here in the past couple of weeks: forgive my super-lazy post here below. It's either this, or space you out over the next month or two, while still trying to be timely in other things... yeah, I know, timely hasn't been such a strength of mine recently, but I'm trying.
Suffice to say: here's how lucky we've been over the past month. My apologies to everyone I missed; I spent a lot more time visiting than taking pictures.
Looking back now, I don't have near as many pictures as I thought that I did, but we love the company and the help that you all offered. We are so very lucky to have you all in our lives. Thank you.
Elias' heart murmur is totally normal, and will disappear as he grows.
Essentially, our trip to the pediatric cardiologist proves two things: we really do have just about the best pediatrician ever (he explained everything in so much more detail than the cardiology team did. Not to mention how impressed they were that he'd even heard the murmur in the first place!) Also, that we really do have an adorable baby: one has to assume that in a pediatric practice, the clinicians don't go totally nuts over every infant they see, after all. If that's a false assumption, don't tell me. I like it.
The California grandparents, who were originally supposed to be here to watch Asa around M.'s due date, still came and spent Christmas and New Year's. And it was a great visit. Both boys got tons of love, and we got a chance to give each - especially Asa - a little one-on-one time. We even got to take him to see his first-ever movie in a theater: The Muppets!
As always, the love affair was instantaneous.
Asa even discovered how alike Mummy and Granna can be!
Everyone got spoiled rotten - including us! We love you both, and miss you terribly already.
Well, one month and two days. My blogging has been off.
Elias turned one month on his due date. We'd already been noticing that he's suddenly more alert, more able to focus and track, and definitely stronger.
At his checkup that day, we also learned that he's been gaining about an ounce a day, and now weighs 7lbs 5oz. He's gained a little height, too, measuring 20 1/2 inches long... but it's much more apparent that he's getting a little chubby.
He's a happy, easy baby so far. Still very nocturnal, but that might have something to do with the fact that he's had people holding him all day, nearly every day of his life - he's been a bit cozier during the day than at night! We're hoping that'll change soon.
We did find out that he has a slight heart murmur, and have an appointment to get that checked. But it makes us feel very lucky - again - to have a pediatrician who is a good teacher, and will take the time to explain everything thoroughly. Thank you, Dr. Ray!
Meanwhile, we love watching our little boy grow, and smile, and snuggle. What a great gift, this Christmas!
