"When Did Girls Start Wearing Pink?"

Almost a response to my recent post... and to a theme that runs through this blog.  This article appeared in the June 2011 Smithsonian Magazine online edition.

A few quotes that I would like to highlight:

“What was once a matter of practicality—you dress your baby in white dresses and diapers; white cotton can be bleached—became a matter of ‘Oh my God, if I dress my baby in the wrong thing, they’ll grow up perverted,’ ” Paoletti says.  (This flip happened right around the time the Kinsey studies were published.  Coincidence?  I think not.)

Prenatal testing was a big reason for the change. Expectant parents learned the sex of their unborn baby and then went shopping for “girl” or “boy” merchandise. (“The more you individualize clothing, the more you can sell,” Paoletti says.) The pink fad spread from sleepers and crib sheets to big-ticket items such as strollers, car seats and riding toys. Affluent parents could conceivably decorate for baby No. 1, a girl, and start all over when the next child was a boy.



Another important factor has been the rise of consumerism among children in recent decades... they are the subjects of sophisticated and pervasive advertising that tends to reinforce social conventions. “So they think, for example, that what makes someone female is having long hair and a dress,’’ says Paoletti.


So I ask again (and not for the last time, I'm sure): what are the messages that we are sending to our children?  Why is the gender-expression of people who aren't even old enough to understand gender of such paramount importance?  And who is it who convinced us - sensible adults - that gender conventions needed to be so carefully guarded?

The rest of the article is here.

Beat Drums!

The next Krupa?



Hmm.  maybe not - he seems to take after another famous drummer.

"He's All Boy"

I hear this phrase a lot, even though it usually applies less to Asa than to many of his friends.  And, as you can probably imagine, it makes me cringe every single time.  Mostly because I'm still not quite sure what it means.  On a cultural level, of course, I get it - I understand the context nearly every time: he's running around the room at top speed?  "He's all boy."  He tries to climb up onto a chair and then the table?  "He's all boy."  He likes all modes of transport - cars, trains, trucks, boats?  "He's all boy."

Of course, the deeper meaning is that boys are all fast, that boys all climb, that boys are genetically predisposed to like things that move.  And, implicitly, that girls like none of these things.  Both are stereotypes, although not often recognized as such because they are so deeply ingrained in our culture.  As is so often true with stereotypes, they can be terribly damaging for the very limits that they impose on those who ought to be the most free to be themselves, in a way that we adults cannot really imagine.

Asa and I go to a couple of playgroups each week.  Some of his friends there are boys, some are girls.  And it's an interesting thing to observe how the kids are treated differently by the adults in the room, even from this young age.  Because if the girls are running around the room and climbing on things, no one says a thing.  (Which, as a side note, is slightly hopeful: at least the girls aren't being forced to sit still and be quiet and "ladylike".)  When Asa, or any of the other boys join in the running, however, it's because that's what boys do.  Boys run.  Nevermind the fact that most of the time, the girls started it.  It's the same thing with the toys they pick: all of the kids pretty much play with all of the toys - plastic food, cars, the tool bench, the puzzles, the play house - but it's only remarked upon when they are playing with "gender-appropriate" toys.

I wonder if adults don't realize the subtle messages that they send with these little comments.  Subtle messages about how each gender is "supposed" to be expressed.  If we don't think that the kids pick up on the approval in adults' voices when they say things like "Oh, he's all boy!", then we're just fooling ourselves.  So I think it's perfecty valid to wonder if at least some of the patterns we see in little boys' (or little girls') behavior (boys run, boys climb, boys like making noise and hitting things with hammers, etc.) isn't due at least in part to the implicit approval that they sense from the adults around them when they conform to gender expectations.  And/or because it is what we have been culturally conditioned to expect - "all boys like to hammer" because we expect that they will hammer, so we see it when it happens, whereas we might not see it when a girl hammers because it doesn't match our expectation.  (In my months of watching Asa and his friends, it strikes me that, when left to their own devices, little girls like toys that move and toys that make noise every bit as much as little boys do.)

In one of the blogs that I often read, the blogger talked about her son's passion - from a very young age - for soccer.  Now, at nine, he's happiest on the field, and the mom delights in both his enjoyment and his abilities.  There was no gendering involved - just a kid who loves soccer.  Likewise in the comments there was no gendering, even from the woman who talked about her son's own time in soccer - and how his mind was much more on the apricot tarts that he wanted to bake later.  No questions of soccer-for-boys, baking-for-girls.

That's what I want for Asa.  I want him to be able to follow his passion, whether it's for soccer, or for baking, or for underwater basketweaving.  He should not have to wonder if his chosen activity is "boy" enough.  None of us should have to conform to someone else's notion of who we should be.

Pillow Pile

Is there anything more fun than a pile of throw pillows on the floor? 

Kinda makes you wish you were one and a half again, doesn't it?

Lunch!

Mummy:  Asa, what would you like for lunch?
Asa: [sucking thumb]
Mummy: Asa - lunch.  What would you like for lunch?
Asa: Pee-sa?
Mummy: We don't have any pizza right now, honey.
Asa: [thinks for a moment] Bow-nee?
Mummy: Brownie after lunch, if you eat well.  Now what do you want for lunch?
Asa: ...
Mummy: Macaroni and cheese?
Asa: Cheese!
Mummy: Macaroni and cheese?
Asa: Yeth.

Mummy's internal monologue: Appropriate answers!  Understandable words!  We're in so much trouble!

Block Island

Another trip to see Grampa and Beth before they move into the condo for the summer!

We met them on the mainland, and took the boat together.  Asa kept Grampa moving.

Asa liked to walk up to where we were sitting - into the wind, curls flying.

It was a great, relaxing weekend - we had breakfast at the airport diner, where Asa got a pancake as big as his head.  (didn't get that picture - sorry!)

Asa also got into the water up to his knees - shoes, socks and pants included.  What can I say - throwing rocks into the water is so exciting, it's easy to forget where you are!

Possibly his favorite moment, however, was when we walked up the road to where new houses are being built.  Excavator!  Truck!  Crane!  YAY!

And then - icing on the cake - on the walk home, we found some construction debris that we took with us, to dispose of it properly.  Among the nails and such, Grampa found this metal rod, perfect for drawing in the sand:

All this play tired a little boy right out... which led to a heartstring moment for Mommy and Mummy.  Behold: Asa's first time in a big-boy bed.

It's astounding how they can be so big and so little at the same time.

The Life and Death of Cabinet Locks

I guess we now know how long those cheap little pieces of plastic actually last.

The artist surveys his work.

More Spoiling

Lest anyone think that Uncle Paul might be the only "bad" influence...





What a lucky boy to have such fun and doting adults in his life, huh?

Whipped Cream

I don't want to suggest that Uncle Paul might be a bad influence, but...

... but I rather think he might be hurt if I didn't.

Developmental Vignettes

There are times when so much happens so fast, it's hard to update the blog often enough.  So here are a few quick stories from the past couple of weeks - Asa-isms and moments when he just makes us think, "Wow."

Like when he came into our bed for an early morning snuggle, and started giving each of us kisses - real ones! - and nuzzles, and saying "Niiiiice."

Or when he found the model animals at playgroup and named them all - even the ones that neither M nor I remember teaching him - "seal" and "octopus", which he pronounces "apple-puss".

Like when he got out his gardening tools and helped Mummy dig holes and water flowers... or when he helped by taking all his diaper covers from the bathroom to his room by himself.  (Maybe Thomas the Tank Engine, and the emphasis on being a "really useful engine" is working in our favor?)

Like when Asa and Mommy and Mummy had a picnic in the little park by the library, and he ate an entire half-sandwich of cashew butter and jelly... and then hammed it up for the camera.

And then climbed up the big kids' structure and slid down the big slide all by himself!

Or when we were talking about what to have for lunch the other day... I suggested quesadillas with some of the leftover roast chicken from the previous evening.  Asa thought about it, then clearly said, "Beans."  So we agreed on chicken and black bean quesadillas - but he kept a close eye on me as I made them, to ensure that the beans were well and truly added.  (Then he ate nearly an entire quesadilla.  When he felt almost too full to continue, he pulled the tortilla off and ate the black beans, one by one, from the cheesy layer.)

Finally, there's the story of today at the zoo, with friends who are a little older.  The spray-park part of the zoo is open for the season, and the older kids wanted to run around in the water.  Mommy thought that Asa would have fun too, so she took off his shoes and pants and brought him into the midst of the sprays.  One of our friends, a little boy, took a rotating sprayer (which looks like a bumblebee) and nailed M. and Asa, who promptly became hysterical.  So Asa and Mummy went to look at some nearby animals - kangaroos and tortoises.  Then this evening, at dinner, Asa suddenly looked up and said, "Bumblebee!  Water!  Done!  Done! Done!!! Tortoise.  Bumblebee!  Water!  Done!!"  (several times in a row, at that.)   I think his memory is improving.

I am, for the record, just about holding my breath waiting for complete sentences to emerge.  Probably sometime before July 4... and I'll keep you posted!

Puzzles

Asa has developed quite a fondness for puzzles... and for talking.  Sorry about the poor picture quality - when he decides to be particularly talkative, I don't stop to change camera settings, I just grab a book to prop the lens on and go, preferably before he notices that he's being filmed!

Just a Picture (or two)

Just because they're too cute not to share.

Two Days with Cousins

First, cousin Caleb's sixth birthday!  A Space party with tyvek suits and a shuttle cake.  Totally awesome.

While the big kids had cake in the dining room, the little ones hung out in the kitchen.

We also got a little time with Great-Uncle Tim and Great-Auntie Shevaun.  Uncle Tim and Asa discovered a mutual love of trains - Thomas the Tank Engine in particular.  (Doesn't Asa look huge in this shot?)

The next day, it was in our neck of the woods - Caleb and Riley came to play at the zoo with us!

Riley and Asa were both a little nervous about feeding the goats, but both got the hang of it.

They also got a little sandbox time - nice to just hang out on a holiday Monday.

Asa and the two-headed bat!  (Indian Flying Fox, to be precise.)

Next stop: Museum of Science!  or Ecotarium!  Or just a cool playground where these cousins can spend some time together.